Time to Give my Heart a Break


Its that time again!

My long term regular readers may be used to this cycle by now, but for my new readers let me get you up to speed.  I seem to get stuck in a dating cycle that I never seem to catch myself in until its just a tad too late. I meet a guy, cautiously date them, slowly get to know them, develop a crush, enjoy the attention and flattery, slowly open up my heart, watch the guy get bored/distant/flake-out, get dumped, and then give myself a big old slap upside the head and ask myself “how in the hell did I end up falling for that AGAIN”.

Seems Mr. Teacher either was a very good chameleon or like many before him, wasn’t ready to date/not over his ex/just wasn’t that into me.

**sigh**

Just as I thought I was getting better at spotting guys who are destined to break my heart, I find myself on the receiving end of another dumping.  I really don’t want to hash out details other than to say that I think that after I met his best friend they might not have liked me very much and could have possibly put the idea into his head that its best to cut and run. Either that or that if I bring up on my blog a guy I am dating its just fate that it never works out with that person. HAHA.

Sadly its beginning to look like I need to take myself off the dating market until I can figure out how I end up in this pattern time after time. Yes, I do think I have become better at sorting out the jerks looking for hook-ups and one-night-stands, but I don’t like dating guys who don’t know that they are not ready to date. One of my friends even asked if maybe I’m not ready to date, which I suppose could be a viable reason too. For me I do think I am ready, but in some ways still trying to figure out what kind of guy is best for me. I am not as blond to that as I was about 2 years ago, but in many ways I don’t think I met every type of guy out there yet. As much as I just want to pull my boot straps up and get back on the dating-wagon (so to speak), I really think I need to just step away. Mr. Teacher was a guy who was very very different from the rest I had dated in the past, and in many ways had all of the characteristics I was looking for in a guy.  After I first started to go out with him I kept telling myself he was too good to be true, then I thought “wow, did I actually meet a great guy… i guess they do exist”. Given recent events with him, he was too good to be true, and no great guys don’t exist (or at least my my circle of life).

Knowing me when I am unattached I can’t help but browse through the dating websites. I think I do want to try and not contact or “flirt” with any guy for at least a month, two or three months would be ideal too. I just need to take a break and just decompress and enjoy myself. I did say I wanted to do Roller Derby, no dating would free up my time, hmmmm.

This whole experience with Mr Teacher has inspired me to want to do some more reading and research about dating. Kind of get a clean slate perspective and maybe try and figure out how I keep picking guys who are jerks. I even had the idea of possibly writing my own book on dating, thinking of entitling it; He Just Wasn’t Good Enough For You.

Think of the bright side in all this. Me not being attached to anyone means I will be updating my Dating Wall of Degenerate Hopefuls page more often now. Always a bright side to any bad situation.

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8 thoughts on “Time to Give my Heart a Break

  1. I like when they weed themselves out. It makes it easier for YOU to decide on WHO to keep in your awesome life. Please visit http://www.thedailylove.com and subscribe. This site helped me immensely and continues to do so. He wasn’t for you and now…you get yet another chance to find someone who is. xoxo

  2. Let me know if you have any success finding a good book about this; I think it wouldn’t hurt me to read a book or two on it as well. Just feels that I’ve got the worst luck even finding someone to date in the first place. (I blame it on the kids, usually someone will flirt with me, and when I drop the kid bomb they politely leave the conversation.)

  3. Funny thing is, there are tons of books about dating, and online dating, but who knows if they are any good or not, LOL.

    I only once encountered a person who was freaked out about me having kids, he decided not to pursue based on the fact that I had cats and he was highly allergic. For me, I actually prefer to date a person with kids. I know its a challenge, but I think its only that way in the early stages of getting to know someone. In the early stages its best to meet up one on one and keep the kids out of the relationship, only when “something” seems to be there you can add kids into the mix.

    • I”m curious how that works out for you Violet. I did it, and all of the matches were over 200 miles away. It suggested I change things about myself to match to people who are closer. I’m probably done with dating sites.

      • I do live in a BIG metro city, so I narrowed down my search radius to 30-miles. In the past I have used Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Chemistry.com, and Zoosk. I did really like Match, but after 2 years on that site, I think it was obvious I was still available and therefore it might have been seen as a red flag for some. I have been told that if you delete and recreate your profile you get more hits, but to me that seems deceptive. Plenty of Fish just seems to be full of people looking for hook-ups. I do get bombarded with emails from that site, but its totally obvious that most are not looking for dating, it gets creepy after a while. OkCupid is about the same, except throw in married guys. Chemistry barely had anyone in my area, so I deleted my profile from there pretty quickly. Zoosk was by far the most annoying, I swear it downloads malware.

        I will be blogging about my adventures with eHarmony. So far it is very different than all the other dating sites I tried. You do seem to fill out endless forms of questions that has you rate things on a “do not agree” to “strongly agree” scale. The information you fill in your profile is so generic that you can’t get a good feel for the person’s personality and interests. It seems to focus on beliefs and viewpoints. To contact someone you go through 3 teps before you can email the person.. the first step is asking 5 questions chosen from a list of 30 pre-generated questions with multiple choice answers… next is sending a list of traits most and least desirable in a match…. then three more questions where you write out your responses….. THEN email. For me its a long process to go through just to find out if the person is of interest. By then you just have to guess based on the pre-generated questions and their pictures. ALSO you don’t look through a database of people…. only a dozen or so that the website says matches you.

        We will see… and stay tuned, LOL.

      • lol, maybe I’ll sign up with e-Harmony again, I did click pretty well with the few it showed me. Definitely don’t care for Match.com but then again the kids thing automatically scares people away. I had no idea people might look at the date you signed up. e_harmony is less ‘pro-active’ and I think that’s kind of more difficult, when you have those “wow I’m single” moments it’s easier to browse the menu.

  4. I signed up for 6 months. I figured if I don’t meet anyone in that time frame, then its no different than the rest of the dating sites.

    I don’t think people look at the date you signed up, but if they browse every so many months and recognize your profile, it sticks out a little more. I have noticed this situation more on Plenty of Fish. Many times I recognize pictures, but maybe the name is different. It usually gets more interesting when you recognize the pictures, but maybe the age, occupation, or race they identify with is totally different. After 2 years it begins to feel like its the same fish in the sea, and I start to have a taste for steak.

    It must be a guy thing to run into women who have an issue with kids. I see comments on profiles all the time that tell the girl to keep on moving on if she can’t get over the fact he is a single parent. I remember going out with one guy who had a 16 year old and he said most of the time the women dump or stop talking to him when they find out he has a teenager. Me, I don’t care, in fact I see it as someone who can give me a heads up as to what is to come for me (being that my kids are under 5).

    The way I see it is, if a person is not willing to accept and open their hearts to your kids, then they are a selfish person. Its one thing to feel like you are the center of someone’s world, that you captured their heart and love, but a whole different story to expect that person to drop their obligations to family and literally make you the center of attention. If a person can’t accept your kids, then they didn’t deserve being privileged enough to be in your life. No one is more important than your kids.

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