I have been meaning to write this post for a while now. Part of me held back because I wasn’t sure the best time to write it, the other part had been so busy with work, the kids, and reflecting.
I had met a really great guy. I could see in him a caring person and a beautiful person. We seemed to hit it off very well, as if we had been friends for years. I felt so comfortable around him and I always looked forward to hearing from and spending time with him. Getting a text from him in the morning really boosted my mood for the day. The silly and random banter we had throughout the day was so much fun, and I always looked forward to it.
Without going into details, all I can say is I fell for him. But I cold sense that part of him was holding back a little. Once in a while it seemed like he would open up a bit and our conversations were so deep, that is when I could see he was a very sensitive guy.
Other times he seemed distant and quiet. I could sense he wanted space and I gave it to him. It was hard to give him space, but I cared about him and I didn’t want to make him feel smothered or forced into thinking he had to open up to me. I would let him know that I was there if he ever needed someone to talk to or needed advice. He always told me he respected that and me.
I have noticed this cycle of him opening up and then pulling back a few times in the past month or so that I had known him. One minute he was sweet and affectionate, the next he looked zoned out in deep thought, only keeping in the present enough to follow the conversation. It made it hard to figure out who he really was. Each time he opened up I fell deeper and deeper for him, and when he pulled back I could feel a part of my heart breaking.
In short, I think he wants to fall in love, but is afraid to.
He’s in the middle of the down side of one of these cycles. Unlike the past times he was down and where I stayed waiting for him to come back around, this time I think I need to let him go. I have so many mixed emotions over this. I really want to tell him what I am feeling. I have been fighting back sending him an email letting him know that I really like him, but understand if he doesn’t feel the same. In the past I just let the guys drift away, but this time I am torn. I don’t want this one to drift away, but I understand if I need to.
So do I wait out the storm, or let the Sailor sail away?