What I am looking for


When I first started to date “JS” he introduced me to this song by Carolina Liar

When I first heard it I was flattered. I had thought it was about me, how maybe I was someone special in his life that was giving him all that he wanted in a relationship. He had just got out of a loveless marriage and he talked about wanting to feel love and affection returned to him. Months after we broke up I realized that I wasn’t that special person, but I did play a role in his path in finding what he was looking for; love. I poured my affections onto him and thus he learned that he was lovable and that he was capable of finding loving people to bring into his life. However, I was just the rebound and I catapulted him into the dating arena ready to love someone and not just settle into a relationship.

After “JS” and I broke up this song was hard to listen to. I tried very hard to forget about it.

Recently I pulled it back into my playlist.

This song has a different meaning for me now. I think I am at the point in my life where “JS” was, I want to feel loved again and I want someone to show me what its supposed to feel like.  In this search I feel lost, confused, and hurt with every attempt I make in my journey. I feel like a soul that needs saving.

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