Breaking of a heart

I am still in bit of a funk.  Sometimes work has been distracting me enough to forget about it, but the tightness in my chest has been a constant reminder of how heartbroken I have been feeling.

Let me see how I can best describe this without rambling on.

I was totally wrong about the Sailor. He only wanted some time to take a 3-hour tour and wasn’t sailing on.  When he found out that I left the widow’s walk he was devastated and hurt.  Once I realized that he never intended on leaving I was so heartbroken that I hurt him so much.

A broken heart hurts, but when you break your own heart it hurts so fucking much more.

My anxiety is through the roof. My chest hurts. I am sleeping restlessly. And I keep going between starving myself and binge eating.  I am a mess. Now that he is really gone, and knowing that I hurt him, I want nothing more than to have him back.

Yeah, I think after this I need to take a long break from dating. I just don’t have any interest in men right now.


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