Here I am again. I spent the past few days pacing around on my widow’s walk. Tonight I sit up here with a glass of wine in hand and the cool night’s breeze running its fingers through my hair. As each strand is caressed his presence feels within arms length. However, when I open my eyes and gaze to the horizon there isn’t a single sign of him.
The Sailor has wandered off again.
I have no idea when his trip will end this time. He seems to come and go with the rise and fall of the tide.
In times of stress I have learned to rely more on my gut instinct rather than the emotions of my heart. My gut is telling me he’s in trouble and I need to wait out the storm. My heart feels torn in two and it just wants to mourn. A few times today I wanted to to cry thinking that the release of sadness would help take my mind off him. As hard as I try, not a single tear is being shed.
Then there is the insomnia. Its really bad this time.
Just when I slowly give more of my heart to someone, a piece of it is sliced out.
I guess all I can do is wait out this trip of his, and see if he will wander in with the next tide. I will admit I don’t know how much longer I can sit here up on this Widow’s Walk, eventually I am going to have to come down with or without the Sailor’s return.