I know…. i did IT again

Well, I need to apologize, again, for my absence. The past 4 weeks have been quite eventful for me… some good events, some stressful events, some truly sucky events.  However, LOTS of big changes in my life in such a short time span and at times I seemed to forget how long it really has been since I last blogged.

I honestly don’t know where to begin in all my updates. I think the best way is start with the bad news and then end with the really good news in a separate blog post.

So, in no particular order and not chronologically:

Bad News:

  • The Sailor broke up with me, again. This time its for good, no more on-again off-again. After 3 weeks of not hearing from him he contacted me out of the blue and not only apologized for going MIA, but laid out that he just could not give me enough emotional attention. He felt with so many changes at work and him going back to school, he didn’t have time for a girlfriend. It really hurt to hear all that. I admit I cried and barely ate anything on and off for a week afterwards. The Sailor did want to stay close friends and hang out when we both could. After not being sure if we’d get back in the on-and-off again cycle, I realized I did had fun with him regardless of what we did. Its been about a month since all that went down and we still hang out maybe once a week, or every other week. We still chat almost daily (depending on how busy we are). I admit we make really good friends. Sure, I still have a soft spot for him in my heart, but at least as friends it hasn’t been broken as much.
  • I am back to online dating again (The Sailor said he had no problems with or wouldn’t be jealous if I dated other people). I really have hit the bottom barrel when it comes to suitors. The latest was me being told within 10mins of the date that he felt no connection for me. In addition, he admitted he wanted to get married and have kids ASAP. Me being 35 (at his upper age limit) and having two kids already (he wanted to have at least 2 himself), put me in the “toss back” category. Funny thing was this guy was 41, recently divorced in the past 3 months (I was his first date since joining the dating site), and had to be pushing 350-pounds (I like a guy with love handles, but he was pushing the limit on that). I almost walked out laughing when he “turned” me down, but I stayed to be further entertained. Turns out he wants a ready-to-go package bride. After giving him a lecture on how kids are exhausting, how the husband needs to help out more than “spending time” with the kids, and how both parents regardless if the wife is a SAHM, need to suffer sleep deprivation (he seemed to give off the “lazy husband” vibe way tot strongly, adding a “its not safe for my job if I don’t get a full night of rest”, yeah you and every other parent out there buddy).  Way I look at it, I got a free meal and a night out of the house. LOL.
  • Work had been slowing down to a snail’s pace. It was getting so slow that my hours started to dwindle. My team members were hoarding work, and a few times I left work early since I had no assignments. I started to feel really stressed and depressed over work. My position is on a hourly wage base (vs the salary base of my team members) and if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. My paychecks dwindled and my checking account was running on near “Empty” status (money in a savings account has been non-existent for at least a year).
  • My sister is not speaking to me, or at the very least, extremely civil, but not warm. We got in a spat revolving around her engagement party. I may have referred to it as a BBQ pot luck after she told (not asked) me to make 2 dishes for the 80 invitees. Yeah, I had no problems making a dish or two, but making that much food at the time where work dwindling and cash reserves were thin, was difficult for me. I told my sister I would gladly help, but thought that I could only handle one dish, not two, telling her I was low on cash plus had the kids and it wasn’t easy to get that much cooking done. This annoyed her, telling me that she needed help cooking and was asking everyone to make 1-3 dishes. That was when I told her that the engagement party was more of a BBQ pot luck and that if she wanted that, then it might be good to down-size the invite list. At this point she told me not to bother cooking or coming.  Two weeks later I threw togther a small gathering of cake for DS’ birthday. It wasn’t a party, just cake and candles. I invited my parents and my sister. Since it as informal I sent her a text and not an invite. We were chatting about other stuff at the same time, so I figured she got the invite text. She didn’t. When she found out which day we were having cake on she blew up at me for not inviting her. I told her I thought she saw my invite text, I apologized, and then told her not to sweat it since it was not a party, just cake. DS was turning 2, so I know he’d have no clue if he was getting a party or not. My sister pretty much told me I didn’t have my priorities straight and I should have not only thrown a party, but not expect her to “drop everything” to come over for cake last minute. Again, I apologized and told her it wasn’t a party and not to sweat it. … Then fast forward 2 more weeks it was her engagement party, with a paired down guest list of 20 people. I made pasta salad and brought 3 dozen cookies. Cash was still low, so I researched if I needed to bring a gift, Emily Post said traditionally “NO”, so I got her a nice card and put a nice note in it. A week later I bought a Nook for myself with cash my parents gave me for my birthday. I was excited since I had wanted an e-reader for a long time and could not afford one. Plus it has been over a year since I bought anything for myself. I was excited and posted about my excitement on Facebook. My sister, upon seeing my post, blasted me on my FB wall, for being wasteful in my spending habits. How I was selfish…. To put all this into another perspective. My sister spent about $500-700 on her engagement party, plus had every attendee bring a dish (I and a few others were asked to bring 2, my mother was asked to bring 3 dishes). She had custom invites made up. Custom made cupcakes. She bought a new living room suite that week. Left for Disney World 2 weeks later. Her income is much lower than mine, but she lives with her finance now, who pays most of the bills (when she lived with my mom she paid almost nothing). I live on my own, always have. She’s a shopper/spender. I am a saver (hence the reason I have only a few pairs of pants for work, all of which I got at Walmart/Target/H&M). On her short-list of venues for her wedding she’s only looking at places that are $120-150/head (I spent $55/head for my wedding 6 years ago, refused to pay more than $75/head). She still has not bought DS a birthday gift (I thought she’d get a belated one). Never bought anything for my bday either (her girls night out/bday party had a $30/cover charge, and I got her a $25 B&N gift card for her Nook). It hurt like a mo-fo for her to call me selfish. I don’t care about not getting gifts or what not, but for her to spend money she does not have on new furniture, parties, and trips when she’s trying to save for an extravagant fairy tale wedding, well, that does not sit well. Its really none of her business if I used cash may parents gave me to get myself a gift, esp since I used all my xmas gifts to pay bills. I really think her latest rant was over the fact that I didn’t buy her an engagement gift. Honestly I checked that it wasn’t customary, plus 90% of the guests didn’t bring one either (including my mother and grandmother). I thought a card was a nice gesture. But I guess I am just a selfish bitch.
  • With stress of lack of work, my sister, finances, the Sailor, etc…. I got lazy in eating habits again. I  think I gained 5 or more pounds back. I can see it in my face, plus I feel bloated and my “skinny jeans” are giving me serious muffin-top. =(

Good News To Be Continued in another post….


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