So, I went to a bridal shower yesterday and by the end of it my inner divorcee bitterness came out hard core. Now, I went to the shower in a good mood, even made a really good effort to get a nice gift for the bride (as opposed to a half effort one, lol). But, for some reason as soon as I walked into the venue where the shower was being held, my mood just soured so badly. I felt like shit, and I really really tried not to sit there with a puss on my face (it was hard). I knew it wasn’t fair to anyone (bride, family, guests, etc.) for me to just hate the symbolism of marriage and show my ugly colors doing so. It was never anything personal against the bride (in fact the guy she is marring is great and they totally seem perfect for each other), but I just could not find an ounce of feeling happy even as hard as I tried to. I knew this was because I was internalizing my own sad and bitter feelings about my failed marriage (something you need to leave at the door on occasions such as this).
In this state I just realized I am not over feeling hurt by my ex-husband. Its been nearly three years, several small relationships, and much found inner happiness; yet the mere thought of a person getting married I turn into a bitter angry divorcee. I really hate feeling this way, but I guess watching people in love just reminds me of how much I used to love my husband and how much it hurt when he threw it back in my face with divorce. How much it still hurts to have my heart broken over and over again.
At the shower to tried to keep my spirits up, and to help avoid looking like a bitter bitch I kept playing this song in my mind. Its definitely one that perks up any broken and battered heart. By far my favorite break-up song.