Finding Passions


Green Heart

A goal for 2014 was to get back to blogging. When I set that goal, I set it because I missed blogging. I missed writing and I missed connecting with others who are going through life’s journey of being a single parent. despite how much I missed blogging, my job really took up a lot of my energy and passion to write. At the end of the day when I yearned to blog, I felt so physically and mentally strained that I would end up vegging out in front of the TV or even going right to bed.

As the days and weeks moved on I felt the stress building up. I started to look for other outlets to help with my stress, and I fell into painting. It started off as an occasional fun thing to work on and slowly because something I craved when I had a really bad week.

It wasn’t until I started to date “Jewish Army Guy” where I started to paint on an almost weekly basis.  It started off as him requesting a painting for his place and then I found that I just couldn’t stop painting.  Part of the reason I kept painting so much was that my relationship with “Jewish Army Guy” was toxic.

I could write a novel about how bad my relationship with “Jewish Army Guy” was (and I am!, stay tuned for more details hopefully soon), but the short and sweet of it is that I was in a love triangle. No really, it was literally a love triangle.  “Jewish Army Guy” was dating me and another girl at the same time.  It wasn’t just casual dating either. He was having sex and spending quality time with both of us, and I was fully aware of it.

Yes, I know. Why in the hell would I ever put up with that. I asked myself that many many times and I even tried to break things off with him about four separate times. What stopped me doing so was the level of attention and charm he exuded. I fell for that shit each and every time.  However, eventually I was able to break free from that toxic relationship and I came out of it with a new passion for painting.

As much as painting helped me through some very difficult emotional times I still missed blogging and writing.  Work stress started to boil up again and my lackluster review at work pushed me to the point of feeling like I was going to have a nervous break down. My boss saw I was starting to lose it and he asked me to take a vacation. The last time I took a day or two to de-stress it really did help, but by a week or two I was right back to being a big ball of stress and exhaustion.

It was then that I realized that taking a day off was merely a band-aid. I needed something more lasting. I needed to get back to taking care of myself and getting back to things that help me feel more like myself. Getting back to blogging and myself.

So here I am, back again and hopefully blogging once a week several times each month.

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